Hey google: When is this baby’s real mom coming….

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved babies all my life! I was the third oldest grandchild of 17 grandchildren, I have always been around babies…..but I have always given them back to their rightful owners.

I had wanted to become a mom so bad but the reality was sinking in that this little alien in my belly was going to be on the outside soon, in the real world, and I was starting to realize my years of practicing on plastic baby dolls was just not going to cut it!

Everything became a reality Christmas Eve morning, at 2am, when my water broke from rolling over, side to side, in my sleep! What was the first thing I did? What is the first thing any new mom ever does? I googled: “What does it feel like when your water breaks?” Clearly that’s a popular question on the ol’ google as several articles popped up with a lot of detail within each article on the100’s of different ways “water breaks”! It’s quite a confusing ordeal!

I love in the movies when you see a women’s water break, water gushes out creating a puddle, or a splash per se, and they are then in a mad dash to get to the hospital. Well my friends, this was quite a different experience as I remember! I would call it more of a trickle. Somewhat like peeing your pants when you’re drunk off coolers for the first time and don’t know how to control any normal functioning parts or mechanisms of your body. Google assured me that this was normal and my water had indeed broke! Google also assured me that we were going to soon become the best of friends in this new adventure!

36 hours later I had MY baby in my arms! Those first couple hours in the hospital were incredible. Nurses doting on you, midwife beside you every step of the way, visitors popping in! Then all of a sudden, 7pm rolled around and it was just me and my husband and a baby in a dark room! We were left to our own devices. Literally! An hour into what they promised would be 3-4 hours of rest after a baby gets his/her first solid feeding in, he was up. Crying!

So, we unraveled him, changed him, tried to feed him (because you know… breastfeeding), nothing was working so we decided we should swaddle him back up again. We both looked at each other, the baby and the large square blanket and we knew what was coming next!

“Hey google: how do you swaddle a baby?”

(Only at the time we clearly typed it into our phone because google only existed via words not via speech yet). Sure enough, google told us exactly what to do! We were rocking this parenting thing so far.

Then the next day happened and for sure I thought at some point this babies real parents were coming to get him and they’d know what they were doing! The hours dragged on in the hospital, more visitors, more breastfeeding trials and tribulations and lessons, tube feedings and nipple shields, bathing lessons, lots of snuggles, diaper changes for mom and baby and even a peepee trim and a lot of vaseline tubes for the healing, we were definitely still in charge of the life of this human! Oddly enough, when I look back on my life, this was one of my greatest memories. The crooks, the hospital and the chaos!

We brought him home and yes, google was still our best friend!

“Why is his poop yellow?” “I dunno, google it!”

“He made a weird sound, what does it mean?” “I dunno, google the sound!”

“He didn’t make a sound, is that weird?” “I dunno, google it!”

“Oh my gosh, that’s so much puke! How much is too much puke?” “I dunno, google it!”

“Is he sleeping for too long?” “Is he getting enough sleep?”

“Is he eating too much?” “Is he getting enough breast milk?”

“Can I lay him down like this? Wait which way is safer?”

……still waiting for the rightful owner to come pick up this baby!!!!!!

The days went by, they turned into weeks! And the weeks got easier as they turned into months! I had accepted the fact that this baby was all mine and I was in charge of his life! Breastfeeding never really got easier but we had a love/ hate relationship with it and navigated our way through it for 6 months! Despite my extensive practice on plastic limbed, non breathing baby dolls, living the day in and day out of real live, breathing, crying and eating human babies was exhausting but liberating! No matter what you did, you were always god in your babies eyes and I was learning to love this role! I was his safe place!

My now husband and I got engaged and started planning a wedding! We had no idea where to begin, so what did we do? Obviously we googled it and google said, first things first, pick your dates and nail down your 3 most important things: food, photographer and venue, so we did!

A full time position came up at my work so I applied (I didn’t need googles help for this one, it was a no brainer).

Then it happened………..

……the real chaos and google was not going to be able to help us with this one!

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