Mommy needs a timeout!

Let’s start this off by going over how a day would look for the moms who actually have their shit together:

They would wake up bright and early feeling refreshed and without a pain in their body.

Brush their teeth, floss their teeth, mouth wash and whiten.

Have a shower and shave/ pluck every part of their body.

Get out and then clean the shower because you know, doing a couple little chores a day keeps your house neat and tidy.

They would moisturize everywhere even though they probably don’t have to because they hydrate daily!

They would pick out socially acceptable clothing that is not lululemons or pulled out of a laundry basket. And they wouldn’t have to strategically hide the remnants of carrying a living being in their belly for 9 months because they’ve already worked off that access weight.

They would blow dry their hair, making sure they used a heat protectant spray so their hair doesn’t fry from the blow drying. They would notice that it’s long overdue for a colouring or a cut and make a mental note to make a hair appointment that they actually remember to eventually make.

Then comes the face. They would gently exfoliate. Tone. Moisturize. Then apply a primer. Contour. Bronze. Lipgloss. Mascara. Finishing powder. Don’t even get me started on applying eye liner, eye shadow and drawing on eye brows. They whip up a new face like their painting a blank canvas.

They would do a double take in the body mirror to ensure their not still in slippers or have any preexisting stains on their clothing.

They would then get their kids out of bed because at 6 months they properly sleep trained them and now their children are little miracle sleepers! They would brush and floss each child’s teeth that will eventually fall out 3 years later anyways. They would get them dressed into socially acceptable, matching clothing that their children would just let them dress on their super still body.

They would feed them a healthy breakfast that does not contain a lot of sugar, not too much milk either because they’re not toddlers anymore and definitely not out of a sippy cup because they transitioned them from a bottle at 1 year. They would already start keeping track of their screen time so they don’t go over their 2 hour daily limit. They would give them their vitamins, pack their minimal waste and most likely peanut-free healthy lunches and write “I love you” notes or cut their sandwiches into little stars.

They would make sure they themselves eat, because it is the most important meal of the day and they would make sure they got an essential vitamin designed for women and pack themselves a healthy lunch and snacks. They definitely wouldn’t make their lunch then forget it on the table beside the door because they are on top of everything. They wouldn’t have to make a mad dash to McDonald’s at 11:30am with money they don’t have because they would be desperate for any type of food they can afford.

They tidy up the house before heading out for the day because nobody wants to come home to a messy house. And they definitely don’t want their husbands beating them home to a messy house because then they have to hear about that when they get home at the end of a long day.

They make sure their kids have everything they need for the day to survive without them being around. And they make sure EVERYTHING is labeled because they wouldn’t ever have to go out and buy a 56th hat or a 19th fall jacket!

They make it out the door without running back in for last minute things they forgot or left behind. They put their kids in their 21st century approved car seats making sure that the chest clip is at armpit level because it would totally ruin their day if they took a picture of their child and were not able to post it on social media, because that clip is off by 1/2 an inch.

They drop their kids off at daycare or school or wherever they’ve spent 452 hours researching before sending them there! When they’re not with their little angels they want to make sure someone else is raising them properly!

They go to work at their fancy jobs that they’ve successfully attained after years of hard work in college or university and count down the hours till they get to see their little darlings again. Not once do they think about how terrible one was behaving in the morning or if they left the coffee maker on or if they’re husband was fully satisfied last night because…. they know.

When they get home from their day, they start preparing a healthy home cooked meal and ask their kids about their day and genuinely care about their answers! They do 30 minutes of reading time with them or practice their speech or printing skills or free play with their children or whatever it is their children need at that time and they do it all with a smile on their face!

After their family eats their meal, they do all the dishes and clean the kitchen, feed the dog, prepare food for the next day to make sure everyone gets healthy food the following day!

They then bathe their children, brush their teeth again, make sure their kids know their loved and tuck them in for the night in their 21st century approved sleeping conditions! They have their essential oil diffusers turned on and they don’t have any worries about how the minor details of the day are going to effect their children’s emotional or mental state 20 years from now.

They are then still bursting with energy so they get their 30 minutes of physical activity in, do a load of laundry, service their husbands (or themselves, whichever works), moisturize again, brush their teeth and floss, fold the laundry and properly put it away, read for 30 minutes, research different ways they could be a better parent or organize their house better or healthier recipes they could make! They plug their phones in in the kitchen so they are not distracting their sleep habits by having them beside their bed and they definitely don’t need candy crush to help them fall asleep at night! They lay their heads down on their perfectly plump pillow and peacefully drift off to sleep without a worry in the world!





If this sounds like your day, all day and every day and you’re ok with it, then I applaud you! If your day is half as on as this day and you crash into bed at the end of the day going over everything that went “wrong” then I’m there with you! Regardless of which side you’re on, let’s all agree that sometimes mommy’s just need a freaking timeout!

A mommy timeout and a daddy timeout are different. No, husbands, we do not need a break from you or the kids, we just need a break from our own minds. The over thinking, the rule following, the society abiding, the mom truths, the mom guilt, the health concerns, the mom laws, the mind moulding, the emotion shaping, the new research, moms minds are Always. On. The. Go!

A dad parents to keep the child alive. But I believe a mom parents to keep the household together and functioning and full of love and thrive to be the best it can be!

Husbands make sure the kids are fed, they make sure their bathed and they make sure they go to sleep. The end!

A mom watches the kids and adds in 42 other things she needs to do, plus stresses about what she’s feeding them, how she’s feeding them, what she’s bathing them with, what every new little mark on their body is, whether their teeth are brushed, what time they’re going to bed and how much sleep they’ll get and whether everything is prepped and prepared for the next day!




Our brains are always on, always firing. We’re always thinking about the next thing or the new thing! Or thinking about whether everything we are doing is even making a difference. Are we good enough?! Are we doing what we’re supposed to be doing?!? Are our kids happy?!! Are they healthy?!! Are they smart enough?!! Exhausting.

So dear husbands, the next time you’re wife tells you she wants to go grocery shopping on her own, go on a girls trip, go on a shopping trip for herself, go to the movies with friends, or even go on a wine tour, don’t give her heck, don’t make her feel guilty, tell her you love her, you appreciate all that she does and you want her to have a good time!

Sometimes that’s really all your dear wife and all us moms need to hear! πŸ’•

2 thoughts on “Mommy needs a timeout!”

  1. It’s funny that once you become a mom having a nap or taking a time out are no longer punishments…but rewards!!! It’s only fair, we kept our little human clones all day!! LOL


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