Unconventional parenting tips from an unconventional mom!

Google, mom groups, your mom, your MIL, your friend who’s already traveled down this road, parenting books, magazines; Women, we’ve searched it all!

We search to try and find the answers, find truths, find facts about newborn babies or growing toddlers that you “heard” but don’t even believe. We search to find proof on where chest clips are to be positioned or why you should not put blankets in a crib, just to show our knucklehead husbands because they can’t just believe our word for it!

We search to find direct quotes from “they”!

I’ve always wondered who “they” are anyways! “They” say a lot!

“They” say to sleep baby on their belly, in your room, for up to a year! “They” say to make sure there are no blankets in their crib, no non-breathable bumper pads, and that they are not too warm!

Or, wait! Nevermind, “they” say to co-sleep with your babies so they always feel love and comfort, but do it properly or else it’s dangerous and the worst could happen and then “they” say you’re an irresponsible and neglectful parent!

“They” say to breast feed but “they” also say formula feeding is perfectly acceptable. “They” say to hold off on feeding your baby solids until after 6 months old, that food before one is just for fun, but “they” also say you should teach them to feed themselves by BLW or your children will never know how to eat properly!

“They” say you shouldn’t even give your babies all the homeopathic cold medicines on the store shelves because they’re not actually safe! “They” say to teach your littles to walk with no shoes on because it moulds their feet better!

I’m assuming “they” actually know what they’re talking about but man, it is hard trying to keep up! I remember being a new, young mom trying to stick to all the rules, and my mom would continuously shake her head and laugh at me stressing about trying to stick to what “they” say!

“Well that’s not what we did, that’s crazy!” Ummm ya mom, “they” have done 25 years of research since you had babies! “They” are getting a little more knowledgeable and learned that in fact you should not give a baby whiskey to help them sleep or stuff their bottles full of pablum!

I’m not telling everyone to drown out what “they” say, because they obviously know what “they” are talking about but I’m just saying chill out! “They” don’t know you and “they” don’t know your baby!

So in my short three years of parenting, I’ve compiled my own list of parenting suggestions, tips and tricks and trust me, I’m sure “they” would not tell you these things and you guys definitely don’t have to research them!

Ready, here we go:

1. Leave the baby! Just do it! Not for hours if you don’t feel comfortable! Just leave them with grandparents, friends or heaven forbid the father for even an hour. Give your mind a break! Give them a break from you doting on them every second. You’ll miss them the whole time but you’ll thank yourself later.

2. Skip a couple steps every morning and just put your coffee in a travel mug because you’re inevitably going to be traveling around the house at 100m/h. No more reheating every hour! Better yet, add the baileys or khalua in the travel mug as well, no one will know and you will start the day off feeling even more cool and collected.

3. Skip all the fancy $200 high chairs and grab yourself a $40 IKEA highchair. Throw all the messy food on your child’s tray and just wipe it off afterwards! Sure it looks uncomfortable as shit, but your baby’s body’s squishy and frankly in their small amount of time on earth they have not developed a sense of luxury!

4. Chill on the crazy ridiculous amount of toys! Grab yourself a $3 helium balloon and tie it around your baby’s foot! Entertainment for hours as they kick they’re feet. When they’re sick of that, throw them an empty water bottle.

5. Speaking of toys, throw them all in a toy room downstairs (if possible) or in one corner of the house. Bonus: when they’re old enough to do stairs on their own, you won’t see them for hours!

6. Wanna work on your fitness goals?! Just live in your sports bra! You can bust out a workout in the living room with your kids crawling all over you or you could just put your screaming, flailing toddler in their car seat! Either way, you’re burning a ton of calories!

7. When you and your baby are sick and stuffed up with a cold, chill the eff out! Grab some Kleenex and take the day off! Make some onion soup for dinner and that aroma all day will clean the both of you out and you’ll have a delicious easy dinner!

8. If your child has mastered peeing in the potty but decides pooping in the potty is unacceptable, give them an activia a day! They will inevitably have to poop so much that they’ll realize pooping in the potty is nicer than living in poop!

9. Marry a partner who goes away for work! Not for long periods of time because that would suck but having one night to yourself with your children every once in a while is just heavenly!

10. Don’t put a ton of food on your children’s plate! Be realistic, their stomachs are like the size of a golf ball! And you will inevitably eat the extra calories! Better yet, just make their plates, then throw it all in the garbage! Skip a couple steps.

11. Just go for a drive or a walk! If you’re going crazy, the baby’s screaming, dogs barking, dishes over flowing, laundry piling up.. just pack up the baby, blast some 90’s hip hop and just go for a drive!

12. Speaking of laundry, do laundry in loads based on room! One kid, one basket, one parent, one basket, another kid, another basket, another parent, another basket! That way you can just throw each clean basket in each room for the week and just forego the putting away in dressers. Heck, if you wanted to even fold the clothes in each basket, you are still ahead of the game!

13. Last but not least, take the baby out for dinner, take the baby grocery shopping, take the toddler shopping! You might as well get used to the tantrums, the kicking, the screaming and get used to society judging you! But guess what?!! If you’re letting them run around and get away with everything to avoid a kicking and screaming match then society’s going to judge you anyways for raising a spoiled brat, so just take them out and get your baby ready for the world and the world ready for your child.

Hopefully every single person that reads this can take away some sort of way to make their parenting journey a little easier! We all want to make it out alive, so don’t over think, don’t make more work for yourself and just relax!

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